I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
