I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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