I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
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Michael Bay diarrhea
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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