I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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