i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
