somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
