Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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