I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
