I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
