Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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