I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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