just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're like the curious george of whores
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
