Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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