just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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