No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
