This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So vagazzling was a success
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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