I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
