our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
