We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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