Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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