I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize