well I can't set my house on fire every night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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