Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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