Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
