I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
