i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
