Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
