She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
