Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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