your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
