I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
