he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish you could order shots online.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
