a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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