could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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