I am puke
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's blow job season.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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