i permit you to call me
i think my tv is drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
