He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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