No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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