He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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