I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero