Texts From Last Night

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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers

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  (920): Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers http://tfl.nu/3qjt
  Replies (22) Good night (939) Bad night (548)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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  (207): I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole. http://tfl.nu/al7a
  Replies (16) Good night (811) Bad night (4011)
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  (909): View more from California

  Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.

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  (909): Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave. http://tfl.nu/ztn7
  Replies (22) Good night (1740) Bad night (3453)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?

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  (757): tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning? http://tfl.nu/fo3m
  Replies (24) Good night (5252) Bad night (1040)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

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  (989): i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/envk
  Replies (9) Good night (1277) Bad night (5206)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (17) Good night (7823) Bad night (1663)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?

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  (724): Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos? http://tfl.nu/mgyg
  Replies (27) Good night (3917) Bad night (1000)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.

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  (414): I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting. http://tfl.nu/tfdu
  Replies (3) Good night (2428) Bad night (742)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

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  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3441) Bad night (722)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.

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  (720): I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else. http://tfl.nu/ss1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (649)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?

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  (410): I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth? http://tfl.nu/108c
  Replies (7) Good night (1333) Bad night (602)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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  (248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj
  Replies (26) Good night (3640) Bad night (597)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!

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  (720): Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you! http://tfl.nu/nw6m
  Replies (11) Good night (1232) Bad night (526)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

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  (215): it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target. http://tfl.nu/jyhf
  Replies (2) Good night (1042) Bad night (427)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away

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  (541): There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away http://tfl.nu/55q1
  Replies (1) Good night (436) Bad night (280)

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