I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.