never play flip cup with pint glasses
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now