Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.

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  (256): Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night. http://tfl.nu/gx6d
  Replies (17) Good night (3722) Bad night (1065)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

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  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6360) Bad night (1396)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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  (214): bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in. http://tfl.nu/k2ap
  Replies (11) Good night (3952) Bad night (1206)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.

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  (920): Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work. http://tfl.nu/fle5
  Replies (15) Good night (6388) Bad night (924)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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  (301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g
  Replies (14) Good night (6604) Bad night (1185)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (6957) Bad night (1280)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?

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  (719): Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/0la5
  Replies (2) Good night (1192) Bad night (420)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"

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  (201): You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth" http://tfl.nu/kxgj
  Replies (5) Good night (1289) Bad night (456)
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  (760): View more from California

  You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today

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  (760): You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today http://tfl.nu/u74i
  Replies (2) Good night (990) Bad night (489)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.

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  (978): i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken. http://tfl.nu/6c3c
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (255)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.

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  (863): I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever. http://tfl.nu/l0yy
  Replies (4) Good night (529) Bad night (254)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.

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  (913): Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway. http://tfl.nu/1wlj
  Replies (0) Good night (284) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????

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  (330): Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this???? http://tfl.nu/uhtc
  Replies (9) Good night (320) Bad night (1050)
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  (518): View more from New York

  My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray

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  (518): My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray http://tfl.nu/pftj
  Replies (6) Good night (612) Bad night (674)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.

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  (334): He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini. http://tfl.nu/97p2
  Replies (8) Good night (532) Bad night (223)

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