I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Randomize
