fuck your aforementioned shoe
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
