Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
