woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
