He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
