I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
