I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
