Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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