Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
