his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
