...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
