we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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