Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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