I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
