if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
