Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
