I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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