God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
