So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
