carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
