dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
