you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
