it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
