can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize