I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
