I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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