i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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