My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I believe in your delicious
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
