its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
