Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
