You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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