Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
