you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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