you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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