I heard we made out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
