Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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