Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
