A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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