Ambien. No doubt about it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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