I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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