About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
two words: eviction party
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
