i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
